Lemony Snicket Books In Order

The Bad Beginning

Dear Listener,I’m sorry to say that the audiobook you arc holding in your hands is extremely unpleasant. It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children. Even though they are charming and clever, the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe. From the very beginning of this Program when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news, continuing on to the entire story, disaster lurks at their heels. One might say they are magnets for misfortune. In this short audiobook alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast. It is my sad duty to tell these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from turning off this audio and listening to something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing. With all due respect,Lemony Snicket

The Reptile Room

Within the pages of this novel, readers will discover one of the books upon which the movie Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events is based: The Reptile Room. Like the movie, this book tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children, who despite being pleasant lead unpleasant lives. From the very beginning of this volume, when the children are driving down a bad smelling road toward a house full of mysterious beasts, continuing on to the last page of this distressing story, disaster lurks at their heels. Unlike the movie, however, this book does not contain moving pictures. Count Olaf is not only smart, he is also intelligent. A renowned, talented, and handsome actor, he certainly could have his choice of any number of interesting careers, including a herpetologist’s assistant, but as the saying goes, ‘nothing pays like crime.’ Watch out for the name ‘Count Olaf’ everywhere. P.S. He is also very good looking.

The Wide Window

If you like stories with happy endings,
listen to something else

Dear Listener,

If you have not heard anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you arc holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven’t got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signaling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this audio will probably fill you with despair.

I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

/Content /EditorialReview EditorialReview Source Amazon. com Review /Source Content In The Bad Beginning, things, well, begin badly for the three Baudelaire orphans. And sadly, events only worsen in The Reptile Room. In the third in Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events, there is still no hope on the horizon for these poor children. Their adventures are exciting and memorable, but, as the author points out, ‘exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorn*y bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you.’

This story begins when the orphans are being escorted by the well meaning Mr. Poe to yet another distant relative who has agreed to take them in since their parents were killed in a horrible fire. Aunt Josephine, their new guardian, is their second cousin’s sister in law, and she is afraid of everything. Her house perched precariously on a cliff above Lake Lachrymose is freezing because she is afraid of the radiator exploding, she eats cold cucumber soup because she’s afraid of the stove, and she doesn’t answer the telephone due to potential electrocution dangers. Her greatest joy in life is grammar, however, and when it comes to the proper use of the English language, she is fearless.

But just when she should be the most fearful when Count Olaf creeps his way back to find the Baudelaire orphans and steal their fortune she somehow lets her guard down. Once again, it is up to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny to get themselves out of danger. Will they succeed? We haven’t the stomach to tell you. Ages 9 to 12 Karin Snelson

The Miserable Mill

As the Baudelaire orphans look out the grimy window of the train taking them to the Lucky Smells Lumbermill to live, they can’t help but wonder what lies ahead. For Violet, who is an inventor, perhaps there will be machines to observe. Machines that saw wood can be very interesting, even though in the wrong hands they can be the cause of ghastly accidents. And for Klaus, who enjoys reading immensely, perhaps there will be a library. Information found in a book can be very useful. Especially if an evil doctor is lurking about. And for Sunny, who likes nothing better than to bite things with her four sharp teeth, perhaps there will be bark to chew. It is important to keep teeth sharp when someone close by may be hiding a sword. As the train pulls into the station, one thing is certain: The unlucky Baudelaire orphans had best keep their teeth, wits, and minds sharp, for whatever awaits them at the mill may well be the deadliest in a series of unfortunate events.

The Austere Academy

WARNING: LISTENING TO THIS TAPE WILL ONLY MAKE YOU WEEP…
Dear Listener,If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don’t. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals. S.O.R.E., and the metric system. It is my solemn duty to stay up all night reading my history of these three hapless youngsters into a microphone, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night’s sleep. In that case, you should probably listen to something else. With all due respect,LEMONY SNICKET

The Ersatz Elevator

Dear Reader,If you have just picked up this particular book, then it is not too late to put it back down. Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be found in these pages but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to read. Within the chapters of this story, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire encounter a darkened staircase, a red herring, some friends in a dire situation, three mysterious initials, a liar with an evil scheme, a secret passageway, and parsley soda.I have sworn to write down these tales of the Baudelaire orphans so the general public will know each terrible thing that has happened to them, but if you decide to read something else instead, you will save yourself from a heapful of horror and woe. With all due respect,Lemony Snicket

The Vile Village

Dear Reader,

You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.

I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.

It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children’s lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

The Hostile Hospital

Caution: Studies show that this audio causes misery in 4 out of 5 children…
Dear Listener,Before you throw this awful audio to the ground and run as far away from it as possible. you should probably know why. This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children’s miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world. There are many pleasant things to listen to. but this audio contains not one of them. Within it are such burdensome details as a suspicious shopkeeper, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Clearly you do not want to hear about such things.I have sworn to research this story, and to record it as best I can, so I should know that this audio is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it. With all due respect,Lemony SnicketPerformed by Tim Curry

The Carnivorous Carnival

Dear Listener, The word carnivorous means meat eating and this carnivorous volume contains such a distressing story that consuming any of its contents would be far more stomach turning than even the most imbalanced meal. It would be best if I didn’t mention any of the unnerving ingredients of this story, particularly, an unruly crowd, a wooden plank, and Chabo the Wolf Baby. I also shouldn’t mention the features of the interactive CD, which include: Perplexing word games Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives Art from The Brett Helquist gallery Sadly for me, I continue to research the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, but your time might be filled with something more palatable. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket Performed by Tim Curry

The Slippery Slope

DISCLAIMER: The long term effects of listening to this audio are unknown. Scientists have detected slightly higher rates of panic, fright and free floating anxiety amongst listeners to this audio than that found in those listeners who engaged in more pleasant listening activities. Dear Listener, Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up and down a range of strange and distressing mountains. It would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire. Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery audio slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

The Grim Grotto

Dear Listener, Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone, or mildew, you probably prefer not to be damp. You might also prefer not to listen to this audiobook, in which the Baudelaire siblings descend into the depths of despair, underwater. The horrors they encounter are too numerous to list, and include mushrooms, a mechanical monster, a distressing message from a lost friend, and tap dancing. I also shouldn’t mention the features of the interactive CD, which include: l Perplexing word games l Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives l l Art from The Brett Helquist gallery l As a dedicated author who has pledged to keep recording the depressing story of the Baudelaires, I must continue to delve deep into the cavernous depths of the orphans’ lives. You, on the other hand, may delve into some happier audiobook in order to keep your ears and your spirits from being dampened. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

The Penultimate Peril

After any harrowing struggle, it is nice to consider checking into a hotel for a rest. In fact, this might be just the break Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire could use after their wearying deep sea adventure. A hotel can be a good choice for any family vacation. With so many floors, such a variety of rooms, and a curious array of guests, spending time in the safety of the right hotel can be the perfect learning environment for children of any age. A keen researcher like Klaus, an adept inventor like Violet, and a sharp toothed culinary master like Sunny are all sure to find engaging diversions during their stay. Regardless of how they pass their time while at a hotel, the three siblings will be sure to take in all the interesting sights and sounds and write them down just in case this episode turns out to be the darkest yet in a series of unfortunate events.

The End

Dear Listener, You are presumably looking at the back of this audiobook, or The End of The End. The End of The End is the best place to begin The End, because if you listen to The End from the beginning of the beginning of The End to The End of The End of The End, you will arrive at The End of The End of your rope. This audiobook is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can’t stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents. I also shouldn’t mention the features of the interactive CD, which include: Perplexing word games Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives Art from The Brett Helquist gallery It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this audiobook at once, so The End does not finish you. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography

Millions of readers of the New York Times best selling A Series of Unfortunate Events have been asking the same questions: Who is Lemony Snicket? Why has his face never been captured on film? Why is he so obsessed with three unlucky orphans and a woman named Beatrice? Why is he sought after by authorities, feared by associates, avoided by friends?

Finally, here is the definitive and only book for anyone interested in learning more about the alarmingly elusive author. All available documentation of Snicket’s shocking past has been gathered, sorted, annotated, and is now available to the general public. Here is a collection of what can only be called ‘evidence’ writings, photographs, mysterious diagrams, and even several disorienting maps, accompanied by captions, an introduction, and extensive index. Together, these pieces will shed light on a life that until now has been shrouded in darkness and will finally answer the question on everyone’s mind: What do we really know about Lemony Snicket?

The Blank Book

Dear Reader, For many years, I have chronicled the lives of the Baudelaire orphans in a sequence of miserable and upsetting books entitled A Series of Unfortunate Events. Rather than reading such depressing stories, you may prefer this Blank Book, in which you can write down your own miserable and upsetting research. You may use this volume to record many dreadful things: the names of suspicious teachers you have encountered details of curious conversations you have overheard dreadful information you have found in other books The Blank Book also offers the following helpful features: grimly decorated pages numerous unpleasant quotations from A Series of Unfortunate Events sinister stickers to help mark your most strange and shocking entries But I must warn you that once you begin using this book, you must guard it with your life or with the life of another allegedly trustworthy person. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

The Notorious Notations

Dear Reader,

Like most fugitives who have vowed to investigate the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, I have always found a book to be invaluable in my research. The book you hold in your hands can be thrown into the mouth of a charging rhinoceros, placed underneath the leg of a wobbly table, or used to write down any number of valuable observations, such as the following:

My sister is driving me stark raving mad.
That waiter appears to be an associate of a notorious villain. and/or
My pen is running out of i

Almost every page in this book includes shocking illustrations and unsettling quotations from A Series of Unfortunate Events. In their company, even the most harmless notations will become notorious, a word which here means commonly and sadly perceived to be of shadowy and somewhat sinister importance, such as my own work on the Baudelaire case, from which you should distance yourself immediately and permanently.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

The Beatrice Letters

Top secret only for readers deeply interested in the Baudelaire case. How I pity these readers. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Horseradish

Lemony Snicket’s work is filled with bitter truths, like: ‘It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.’ Or: ‘It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.’ For all of life’s ups and downs, its celebrations and its sorrows, here is a book to commemorate it all especially for those not fully soothed by chicken soup. Witty and irreverent, Horseradish is a book with universal appeal, a delightful vehicle to introduce Snicket’s uproariously unhappy observations to a crowd not yet familiar with the Baudelaires’ misadventures.

The Composer Is Dead

There’s dreadful news from the symphony hall The Composer Is Dead! If you have ever heard an orchestra play, then you know that musicians are most certainly guilty of something. Where exactly were the violins on the night in question? Did anyone see the harp? Is the trumpet protesting a bit too boisterously? In this perplexing murder mystery, everyone seems to have a motive, everyone has an alibi, and nearly everyone is a musical instrument. But the composer is still dead. Perhaps you can solve the crime yourself. Join the Inspector as he interrogates all the unusual suspects. Then listen to the accompanying audio recording featuring Lemony Snicket and the music of Nathaniel Stookey performed by the San Francisco Symphony. Hear for yourself exactly what took place on that fateful, well orchestrated evening.

The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming

Latkes are potato pancakes served at Hanukkah, and Lemony Snicket is an alleged children’s author. For the first time in literary history, these two elements are combined in one book. A particularly irate latke is the star of The Latke Who Couldn t Stop Screaming, but many other holiday icons appear and even speak: flashing colored lights, cane shaped candy, a pine tree. Santa Claus is briefly discussed as well. The ending is happy, at least for some. People who are interested in any or all of these things will find this book so enjoyable it will feel as though Hanukkah were being celebrated for several years, rather than eight nights.

The Lump of Coal

This is a story about a lump of coal who can think, talk, and move itself around. Is there a more charming holiday tale to behold? Probably, but Lemony Snicket has not written one.

13 Words

13 Words: 1. Bird 2. Despondent 3. Cake 4. Dog 5. Busy 6. Convertible 7. Goat 8. Hat 9. Haberdashery 10. Scarlet 11. Baby 12. Panache 13. Mezzo Soprano