Ellis Weiner Books In Order

The Big Boat to Bye-bye

A children’s TV show becomes a blackmail target when obscene outtakes fall into the hands of some bad guys. Good guy private eye Pete Ingalls is called in to investigate, only to become entangled in a murder, and discover the liberating potential of puppets. What else did you expect from an author who wrote for humor rags like National Lampoon and Spy?

Letters from Cicely

CBS TV’s Northern Exposure is a hit nationwide and now, following the success of Pocket’s Twin Peaks books, comes Letters from Cicely. It is a candid and insightful look into the world of Cicely, Alaska, where life borders on the eccentric and comforts are scarce. Features personal and private correspondence between the quirky cast of characters from the show. Biography

Atlas Slugged AGAIN

CBS TV’s Northern Exposure is a hit nationwide and now, following the success of Pocket’s Twin Peaks books, comes Letters from Cicely. It is a candid and insightful look into the world of Cicely, Alaska, where life borders on the eccentric and comforts are scarce. Features personal and private correspondence between the quirky cast of characters from the show. Biography

The Northern Exposure Cookbook

A collection of more than one hundred recipes based on actual ‘Northern Exposure’ episodes features instructions for creating Shelly’s Tuna Supreme, Chris’s Mea Culpa Three Bean Salad, Adam’s Cheese Blintzes, and other treats.

The Joy of Worry

Stressed out? Wringing your hands? Great! You’re on the path to success, enlightenment, and happiness. Author Ellis Weiner and illustrator Roz Chast, experts in the field of fretting, reveal how to maximize worry, harness its power, and achieve personal goals wealth, great sex, safer driving, and world travel. Through focused worrying, dedicated practitioners not only lose weight, they even control exactly where they will shed the pounds. And if they’re pregnant, they can worry for two! Let us now abandon our quest for inner peace and embrace that gnawing tension!

Yiddish With Dick And Jane

Jane is in real estate. Today is Saturday. Jane has an open house. She must schlep the Open House signs to the car. See Jane schlep. Schlep, Jane. Schlep. Schlep, schlep, schlep. In text that captures the unque rhythms of the original Dick and Jane readers, and in 35 all new illustrations, a story unfolds in which Dick and Jane hero and hero*ine of the classic books for children that generations of Americans have used when learning to read manage to express shades of feeling and nuances of meaning that ordinary English just can’t deliver. How? By speaking Yiddish, employing terms that convey an attitude part plucky self assertion, part ironic fatalism. When Dick schmoozes, when Jane kvetches, when their children fress noodles at a Chinese restaurant, the clash of cultures produces genuine hilarity.

Santa Lives!

Does Santa Claus actually exist? In this slim but enthralling volume, Ellis Weiner addresses this age old question and comes to a surprising answer. Guess what it is. Using many of the same arguments and even some of the same words employed by people much smarter than he to answer other, even harder questions, Weiner offers a brilliant step by step analysis that is as full of insight as it is insightful. His investigation touches on a myriad of topics, including the existence of napkins, the differences between birthday cake and fruitcake, and whether Santa is American. So, does Santa Claus exist? Read this unbelievably intelligent and unbelievably funny book to find out. Otherwise, no one would ever guess.

Yiddish with George and Laura

In this inspired follow up to the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane, Yiddish the mother tongue of irony invades the ultimate bastion of American WASP culture: Kennebunkport, home of the Bush clan. What do George and Laura Bush have in common with Dick and Jane? Well, both hail from prototypical WASP families. And, perhaps more to the point, both exhibit a natural resistance to moral complexity i.e., reality. That’s the premise of this hilarious new primer style book in which George, Laura, and the entire Bush family communicate with uncharacteristic expressiveness, conveying shades of feeling and nuances of meaning that plain old English can’t deliver by peppering their conversation with Yiddishisms. See George’s mother. Her name is Bar. She wears alot of pearls and is a farbisseneh. ‘You are late, George,’ Bar says. ‘Of course I am late,’ George says. ‘I am the President of the United States. I am a big macher.’ Like all good primers, Yiddish with George and Laura tells a simple story and, in the end, important life lessons are imparted.

Arffirmations

Yes, you re spiritually enlightened.

But is your dog?

With Arffirmations, any dog of any age, breed, or gender can attain the same level of personal enlightenment and metaphysical peace that, until now, only humans could enjoy.

Simply present Arffirmations to your dog and allow the animal to read them at his or her own pace. In as little as a week, your pet will experience a new reality. A reality of wisdom. A reality of radiance. A reality of joy. Really.

In these pages your pet will find a wide variety of inspiring meditations, including:

Arffirmations for Attracting and Accepting Food

Arffirmations About Attaining Enlightenment

Arffirmations of Self Love and Self Acceptance

To all owners who want their dogs to live with the fullest possible awareness of Life

And to all dogs seeking the wisdom and peace that can only be found in the deepest appreciation of one’s place in the cycle of Waking, Eating, Sleeping, and Barking One s Brains Out

We present: Arffirmations

Cat-echisms

Everyone knows cats think they re so special. But how can they explain why to mere humans?Where do cats get their sense of superiority? How do they manipulate us so easily? Cat echisms answers these eternal feline questions in an easy question and answer form. The result? A privileged peek inside the feline brain. In the process, cat owners and even those who admire cats from afar are entertained as well as enlightened. Fully illustrated with delightful photos of haughty and gorgeous cats, Cat echisms collects the fundamental tenets of feline existence as if in a handbook to be given to all kitties at birth. Thus, for example, we read:Q: Who is the most perfect creature in the household?A: I am the most perfect creature in the household.Q: Why are you the most perfect creature in the household?A: I am the most perfect creature in the household because I am beautiful and exquisite and move in divine silence.

The Big Jewish Book for Jews

If both Ike Turner and Isaac Bashevis Singer are Jewish, what does ”being Jewish” even mean? The assimilated Jews of today are lost, and they need to relearn the old ways so their identity comes to mean something other than laughing knowingly at ”Curb Your Enthusiasm” and being ambivalent about AIPAC. What they need is The Big Jewish Book for Jews, a hilarious compendium of instruction, handicrafts, and lore that will help them rediscover the traditional wisdom, skills and recipes, going all the way back to Moses and the original Exodus from Egypt, when God was the only GPS you needed.

The Big Jewish Book for Jews brings together Jewish wit, inspiring tales, classic skills, and even pickle recipes, for the instruction and edification of the modern Jew. Readers will learn how to sacrifice a lamb unto the Lord, the rules of Canasta, how to build a pyramid the Bernie Madoff kind and the Egyptian ones, and how not to accept the first table you are shown to in a restaurant. Through this funny and informative reference, readers will build a connection to their ancestors and finally understand what it takes to be the Jew-est Jew of all.

How To Raise A Jewish Dog

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound?

The make believe Rabbis of the fictional Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high achieving Jewish doggies. Written for real by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, co authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential ‘guide’ is sure to be a complete howl.