Peter and the Starcatchers Books In Publication Order
- Peter and the Starcatchers (2004)
- Peter and the Shadow Thieves (2006)
- Peter and the Secret of Rundoon (2007)
- Peter and the Sword of Mercy (2009)
- The Bridge to Never Land (2011)
Never Land Books In Publication Order
- Escape from the Carnivale (2006)
- Cave of the Dark Wind (2007)
- Blood Tide (2008)
Class Trip/The Worst Books In Publication Order
- The Worst Class Trip Ever (2015)
- The Worst Night Ever (2016)
Standalone Novels In Publication Order
- Big Trouble (1999)
- Tricky Business (2002)
- The Shepherd, the Angel, and Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog (2006)
- Science Fair (With: Ridley Pearson) (2008)
- Lunatics (2012)
- Insane City (2013)
- Plane of Thought (2017)
Non-Fiction Books In Publication Order
- The Taming of the Screw (1983)
- Babies and Other Hazards of Sex (1984)
- Dave Barry’s Stay Fit and Healthy Until You’re Dead (1985)
- Dave Barry’s Bad Habits: A 100% Fact-Free Book (1985)
- Claw Your Way to the Top (1987)
- Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits (1988)
- Homes and Other Black Holes (1988)
- Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States (1989)
- Dave Barry Turns Forty (1990)
- Dave Barry Talks Back (1991)
- Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need (1991)
- Dave Barry Does Japan (1992)
- Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up (1994)
- The World According to Dave Barry (1994)
- Dave Barry’s Gift Guide To End All Gift Guides (1994)
- Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys (1995)
- Dave Barry in Cyberspace (1996)
- Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus (1997)
- Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs (1997)
- Dave Barry Turns Fifty (1998)
- Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down (2000)
- The Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Is Beer (2001)
- My Teenage Son’s Goal In Life Is To Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old (2001)
- Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway (2001)
- Boogers are My Beat: More Lies, But Some Actual Journalism (2003)
- Dave Barry’s Money Secrets: Why is There a Giant Eyeball on the Dollar? (2006)
- Dave Barry on Dads (2007)
- Dave Barry’s History of the Millennium (2007)
- I’ll Mature When I’m Dead (2010)
- You Can Date Boys When You’re Forty (2014)
- Live Right and Find Happiness (2015)
- Best. State. Ever. (2016)
- For This We Left Egypt? (With: ) (2017)
- Lessons From Lucy (2019)
- A Field Guide to the Jewish People (2019)
Anthologies In Publication Order
- Naked Came the Manatee (1997)
- The Putt at the End of the World (2000)
- Hard Listening: The Greatest Rock Band Ever (of Authors) Tells All (2013)
Peter and the Starcatchers Book Covers
Never Land Book Covers
Class Trip/The Worst Book Covers
Standalone Novels Book Covers
Non-Fiction Book Covers
Anthologies Book Covers
Dave Barry Books Overview
In an evocative and fast paced adventure on the high seas and on a faraway island an orphan boy named Peter and his mysterious new friend, Molly, overcome bands of pirates and thieves in their quest to keep a fantastical secret safe and save the world from evil. Bestselling authors Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson have turned back the clock and revealed a wonderful story that precedes J. M. Barrie’s beloved Peter Pan. Peter and the Starcatchers is brim*ming with richly developed characters from the scary but somehow familiar Black Stache and the ferocious Mister Grin to the sweet but sophisticated Molly and the fearless Peter. Riveting adventure takes listeners on a journey from a harsh orphanage in old England to a treacherous sea in a decrepit old tub. Aboard the Never Land is a trunk that holds a magical substance with the power to change the fate of the world just a sprinkle and wounds heal and just a dusting and people can fly. Towering seas and a violent storm are the backdrop for battles at sea. Bone crushing waves eventually land our characters on Mollusk Island where the action really heats up.
In this riveting and adventure packed follow up to Peter and the Starcatchers, we discover Peter leaving the relative safety of Mollusk Island along with his trusted companion Tinker Bell for the cold, damp streets of London. On a difficult journey across the sea, he and Tink discover the darkand deadly, slithering part man/part creature Lord Ombra. It seems that the dreaded Ombra has a variety of mysterious powers including the ability to make shadows disappear. When Peter reaches London, he sets out to find the indomitable Molly. Together they must combat Ombra’s terrible forces to both protect the Starcatchers and the treasured starstuff and most importantly to rescue Molly s mother from the clutches of evil. Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson have done it again written a compulsively readable, impossible to put down tale that will delight readers of all ages.
In this action packed conclusion to the Starcatchers trilogy, Peter and Molly find themselves in the dangerous land of Rundoon, ruled by the evil King Zarboff, who takes great delight in watching his pet snake, Kundalini, consume anyone who displeases him. But that’s just the start of the trouble facing our heroes, who once again find themselves pitted against the evil shadow creature, Lord Ombra, in a struggle to save themselves and Molly s father not to mention the entire planet from an unthinkable end. Meanwhile, back in Never Land, a tribal war is under way, and while Peter is off fighting to save the world, a young Mollusk princess has no choice but to join forces with sinister pirates to save her island from the vicious Scorpions. Peter and the Secret of Rundoon is a wild desert adventure with flying camels, magic carpets, and evil shadows that literally zooms toward an unforgettable and unimaginable climax. Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson have teamed together once again to pen a story with unrelenting action and adventure that can be enjoyed by listeners of all ages.
Grade Level: 4 6 Age Level: Listening Level: 9 11 Grades 4 6 The year is 1902 it’s been twenty three years since Peter and the Lost Boys returned from Rundoon. Since then, nobody on the island has grown a day older, and the Lost Boys continue their friendship with the Mollusk tribe and their rivalry with Captain Hook. Meanwhile, in London, Molly has married George Darling and is raising three children: Wendy, Michael, and John. One night, a visitor appears at her door; it s James, one of Peter s original Lost Boys. He is now working for Scotland Yard and suspects that the heir to England s throne, Prince Albert Edward, is under the influence of shadow creatures. These shadow creatures are determined to find a secret cache of starstuff, which fell to London many centuries ago. The starstuff is hidden in an underground vault, which has only one key: the Sword of Mercy, a legendary weapon kept with the crown jewels. Molly is determined to locate and protect, but when she suddenly goes missing, it is up to her eleven year old daughter, Wendy, to keep it out of the Others clutches. Wendy has heard her mother s stories of a flying boy named Peter Pan, and he may be her only hope of saving the world from a shadowy doom…
One summer morning while Aidan and Sarah are visiting their grandfather,they discover a secret compartment in his battered wooden desk. Insideis a yellowed envelope that contains a piece of very thin, almosttranslucent, white paper, on which, handwritten in black ink, are aseries of seemingly random lines; among them are what appear to befragments of letters, but not enough to make sense. At the bottom ofthe page is a verse about Peter Peter and a reference to a real hotelin London. As it happens, the family is aboutto embark on a trip to Europe, so the children decide that while inLondon, they will try to locate the hotel. Through some carefulsleuthing, they manage to discover its location, and once inside, theyfind another clue. The Bridge to Never Land willtake Sarah and Aidan on a quest that will challenge them to solve aseries of puzzles, which will gradually convince them that Peter Pan isnot fiction after all. They will discover what happened to theremainder of the starstuff cache that Wendy and Peter fought to protectmany years ago. But that’s only the beginning. They’ll find that in theearly twentieth century, Wendy and the other Starcatchers embarked onone last great mission tofind a way to protect Never Land island, withmagical creatures and its precious starstuff supply, from theincreasingly intrusive the outside world.
Little Scallop should be happy. She’s a princess of the Mollusk tribe, rulers of beautiful Mollusk Island. And she has two fun friends Aqua and Surf who just happen to be mermaids. But Little Scallop is bored. Her warrior brothers are allowed to do exciting things, like spying on the pirates who live on the other side of the island. Little Scallop longs to have a real adventure. When Aqua and Surf invite her to go pearl diving even though she knows she shouldn t she can t resist. So late one night, she sneaks off into forbidden waters with Aqua and Surf. That s when the trouble starts they run into a fierce storm and a strange ship sailed by men who would love to capture a mermaid. Soon, Little Scallop is caught up in the adventure she always wanted. The question is: can she and her friends get out of it?
While Peter is away from the island, James and the other Lost Boys discover a mysterious cave. Shining Pearl and her sister Little Scallop warn the boys that the cave is a dangerous place, inhabited by a creature known as the Goat Taker a beast so scary that even the Mollusk tribe fears it. But the boys can’t resist trying to discover the cave’s secrets. When the first of those secrets turns out to be a tantalizing hint of a famous haunted treasure, Captain Hook and his band of cutthroat pirates quickly join the hunt. Before long the children are fleeing for their lives in a dark and deadly underground labyrinth. and their only hope of escape is to solve the mystery of the Cave of the Dark Wind.
When an earthquake strikes Neverland Island, things quickly go very wrong. The Lost Boys’ underground hideaway is flooded, forcing them to leave. Meanwhile a mysterious barrel washes ashore and falls into the hands of the pirates. When their leader, Captain Hook, finds out what’s in the barrel, he hatches an evil plan. But worst of all is the change in the mermaids. These once peaceful friends of the natives have turned violent, using their needle sharp teeth to attack anybody who goes into the water. When they injure some members of the native Mollusk tribe, the Mollusk leader, Fighting Prawn, feels he has no choice but to fight back. As the warriors prepare to attack, the Lost Boys and the chief’s daughters, Shining Pearl and Little Scallop, set off on a secret mission to try to make peace with the mermaids. Instead they’re captured by the mermaids, and while in captivity they discover the cause of the problem the Blood Tide, which is poisoning the lagoon and will eventually kill the mermaids. With time running out, they must try to stop the tide and save the mermaids, as well as themselves. But to do so, they must deal with Captain Hook, whose plan threatens to destroy the Mollusk village and change life on Neverland Island forever.
Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In his career, Dave Barry has done just about everything written bestselling nonfiction, won a Pulitzer Prize, seen his life turned into a television series. And now, at last, he has joined the long list of literary figures from Jane Austen to Tolstoy who have made the transition from humor columnist to novelist…
and done it with a style and inventiveness that establishes that, yes, he is very good at that, too. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt’s intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny’s alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid’s room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks’ house for a real game of Killer, Arthur’s embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks’ yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.’The funniest book I’ve read in fifty years.’ Elmore Leonard’Despite wealth, fame and a tendency to undermedicate himself, Dave Barry remains one of the funniest writers alive. Big Trouble is outrageously warped, cheerfully depraved and harrowingly close to true life in Florida. This book will do for our tourism industry what Dennis Rodman did for bridal wear.’ Carl Hiaasen
The Extravaganza of the Seas is a five thousand ton cash cow, a top heavy tub whose sole function is to carry gamblers three miles from the Florida coast, take their money, then bring them back so they can find more money. In the middle of a tropical storm one night, these characters are among the passengers it carries: Fay Benton, a single mom and cocktail waitress desperate for something to go right for once; Johnny and the Contusions, a ship’s band with so little talent they are…
well, the ship’s band; Arnold and Phil, two refugees from the Beaux Arts Senior Center; Lou Tarant, a wide, bald man who has killed nine people, though none recently; and an assortment of uglies whose job it is to facilitate the ship’s true business, which is money laundering or drug smuggling or…
something. What happens to them all in the midst of the fiercest storm in years, the unpredictable ways in which this trip will change their lives and send them ricocheting off each other like a giant game of pinball, is the story of this astonishing, wickedly satisfying, all too human novel by ‘one of the funniest writers alive’ Carl Hiaasen.
Have a very Barry Christmas! In this hilarious USA Today national bestseller, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist Dave Barry pens one of the warmest, most delightful Christmas stories ever. The year is 1960, and the Christmas pageant at St. John’s Episcopal Church is a very big deal. Doug Barnes is a shepherd this year, which is better than being a Three King, because you get to carry a stick. There are problems, however. The girl he likes is playing Mary opposite a Joseph who is depressingly smart, athletic, and cute; the family dog is doing poorly, and they have no idea what they re going to tell Doug s little sister, Becky; and his dad s just gotten a flat tire, which means they might not even get to the pageant. But Christmas is a time of miracles. And for Doug and his family, this will be the most miraculous Christmas of all.
Toby Harbinger, an eighth grader at Hubble Middle School near Washington, D.C., is in big trouble. He made the mistake of selling his dad’s priceless original Star Wars blaster to a lunatic who thinks he s Darth Vader and travels with a large, hairy sidekick known as the Wookiee. Now the lunatic wants more from Toby, whose only hope of getting out of this mess is to win first prize at the school science fair: $5,000. But others want the prize too a group of rich students and their super ambitious, high powered parents, who will stop at nothing to see their spoiled kids win. What these parents don t know is that an evil mastermind is using them to get hold of top secret military technology as part of a fiendish plan to destroy the United States. When Toby discovers this plot, he and his two best friends, Tamara and Micah, try to alert the school authorities, including the fearsome principal, known as The Hornet. But powerful forces are working against Toby and his friends: they re snared in a frame up and get taken into federal custody, facing espionage charges. Meanwhile, the mastermind proceeds with his evil plan of destruction. In a desperate bid to escape, the kids find themselves in league with a fairly mad scientist and two bumbling foreign dignitaries armed with cheese so smelly it is used as wolf repellent. With the seconds ticking away and the FBI close on their heels, this bizarre band sets off on a madcap mission to stop the science fair and save the country before it s too late…
One of them is a bestselling Pulitzer Prize winning humorist. The other is a winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor. Together, they form the League of Comic Justice, battling evildoers in the name of…
Okay, we made that line up. What they do form is a writing team of pure comic genius, and they will have you laughing like idiots. Philip Horkman is a happy man the owner of a pet store called The Wine Shop, and on Sundays a referee for kids’ soccer. Jeffrey Peckerman is the sole sane person in a world filled with godd*amned jerks and morons, and he’s having a really bad day. The two of them are about to collide in a swiftly escalating series of events that will send them running for their lives, pursued by the police, soldiers, terrorists, subversives, bears, and a man dressed as Chuck E. Cheese. Where that all takes them you can’t begin to guess, but the literary journey there is a masterpiece of inspiration and mayhem. But what else would you expect from the League of Comic Justice? AUTHOR BIOS: Dave Barry’s recent bestselling books include his Peter Pan prequels, written with Ridley Pearson; Dave Barry’s History of the Millennium So Far; and I’ll Mature When I’m Dead. He lives in Coral Gables, Florida. To learn more about Dave Barry, please visit www. davebarry. com. Alan Zweibel is one of the original Saturday Night Live writer, the winner of multiple Emmy Awards for his television work and the Thurber Prize for his novel The Other Shulman, and collaborator with Billy Crystal on the Tony Award winning play 700 Sundays. He lives in Short Hills, New Jersey. To learn more about Alan Zweibel, please visit www. alanzweibel. com.
Barry concentrates on the popular topic of home repair.
In this classic crack up of a book, Dave Barry gives his wacky perspective on sex, childbirth, parenting and other forms of slow, cruel torture. In Babies and Other Hazards of Sex, Dave exposes natural childbirth for what it is: a pop phenomenon of the 1960s that, along with paisley bell bottoms and creative sideburns, deserves a rest. He examines the new federal law requiring prospective fathers to free themselves from their self made macho prisons to laugh, cry, love and just generally behave like certified wimps. Dave also reveals, for the first time in print, the secret chant for painless childbirth. Then learn why no secret chant could possibly take a woman’s mind off the fact that she is in such pain that she wants a gigantic comet to crash into the earth and kill her and her husband and the dotor and the nurses and everyone else in the world.
Fitness and vitality can be yours, writes Dave Barry provided you have the discipline, drive, and the plain old fashioned guts required to procure the necessary steroids. This manual may help, too, but you’ll just have to buy it and find out. Barry on executive fitnessToday’s top executives eat teeny meals and run 10 miles and play tennis and work out every day. Of course, they’re so busy getting fit that many don’t even know where their offices are. That’s why the entire U.S. economy is now manufactured overseas. Barry on fitness after deathA quick chill, to approximately 325 degrees below zero, yields a muscle tone that we normally associate only with world class body builders and certain minerals!Barry on nutritionEvery morning you should take a vitamin A pill, followed by a vitamin D, followed by an E, until you’ve spelled the healthful mnemonic phrase: ‘A DEAD CAD BAKED A BAD CAKE, ACE.’ And eat all the fiber rich foods you can shove down your throat; these would be mainly your cotton candy and your Slim Jims. Barry on junk foodsWhite bread and refined sugar, if eaten, cause death within hours. So it’s important to watch what you eat, at least until you get it inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty disgusting.
If you’re not already acquainted nay, infatuated with the works of the man who the New York Times calls ‘the funniest man in America,’ you can get cracking right now with this all time favorite collection of Dave Barry’s humor columns. Dave Barry’s Bad Habits won’t rot your teeth, cause your insurance premiums to go up, or make your kids go cross eyed if they sit too close to it. It will, however, make you laugh so hard your middle actually moves the best exercise, and possibly the only kind you’ll be interested in after forty. Here, preserved for all time, are Barry’s profoundest musings on such topics as how to get kids to stop smoking eliminate tenth grade, what to do if your car is making loud noises turn up the radio, and a solution to the battle of the sexes let the men do housework, say, for the next six thousand years to even things up. Together they serve to expose the little insanities of everyday life and assure us that we’re not completely alone in a world gone mad.
Working up the corporate ladder is all well and good for most people, but you are not ‘most people.’ You are a highly motivated individual who wants to be on the fast track, and you cannot afford to fritter away valuable time working diligently and competently on the job. You need Dave Barry’s surefire tips in Claw Your Way to the Top! ‘A good resume is more than just a piece of paper. It can mean the difference between not getting a job and not even coming close.’ ‘Can you get a job in business? Heck yes! Don’t you listen to those Negative Nellies who tell you there aren’t any good jobs anymore, just because the steel, automobile, shoe, clothing, railroad, and agricultural industries have all collapsed!’ ‘I don’t mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.’ ‘Remember, your subordinates are not machines. They are human beings with the same dreams as you. OK, maybe not all the same dreams. Probably they don’t have the one where you’re naked in a vat of Yoo Hoo with the Soviet gymnastics team.’ ‘Ask any business school professor, and he’ll tell you a good memo is clear, concise, and well organized. Now ask him what his annual salary is. It’s probably less than most top executives spend in a month on shoe maintenance.’
WHEN DAVE BARRY IS ON THE LOOSE, NO ONE IS SAFE!What Dave Barry did for the men’s movement in his Complete Guide to Guys and for foreign relations when he did Japan he now does for…
everything in America. The rapacious observer of Tupperware ladies and leisure concept salesmen sounds off on:Football Football is more than just a game. It is a potential opportunity to see a live person lying on the ground with a bone sticking out of his leg, while the fans, to show their appreciation, perform ‘the wave.’Sailing There’s nothing quite like getting out on the open sea, where you can forget about the hassles and worries of life on land, and concentrate on the hassles and worries of life on the sea, such as death by squid. Gambling Off Track Betting parlors are the kinds of places where you never see signs that say, ‘Thank You for Not Smoking.’ The best you can hope for is, ‘Thank You for Not Spitting Pieces of Your Cigar on My Neck.”The good news: he’s funny as ever. The bad news: the book is only 304 pages.’ Los Angeles Daily News
‘Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him.’ The New York Times Book ReviewTHERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME EXCEPT IN A SELLER’S MARKETAt long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they’ve never been answered before: What’s the best way to determine a realistic price range?Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage?There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank’s secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do it yourself homeowner’s projects?Find a contractor. Their silent motto is ‘We Never Show Up.’ The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn?Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.
‘Bary turns his formidable wit to the subject of American history, with a result reminiscent of the Reduced Shakespeare Company: The better you know the original, the funnier it gets.’ LOS ANGELES TIMESThis time Dave Barry’s subject is history, the way it’s never been told before. Every single momentous event and crucial moment is covered, including…
The Birthing Contractions of a Nation; Kicking Some British Butt; The Fifties: Peace, Prosperity, Brain Death, right up through the scintillating Reagan Bush years. If you love to laugh, and you love your country, this is the book you’ve been waiting for since 1776. Or at least since Super Bowl III. From the Trade Paperback edition.
‘Just the ticket for the ’90s.’SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLEIf you’re too young for a nursing home yet too old to be a rock star, if your marriage is as exciting as scraping grass off the lawnmower blades, then this hilarious book by Pulitzer Prize winning columnist and author is for you. Put on your protective eyewear and take a probing look inside your increasingly Spam like body at: The Midlife Yawn Marriage; Wise Financial Planning for Irresponsible Scum Such as Yourself; Sex After 40 or, Sex? After 40?, and other harsh, but amusing realities that leave you laughing, crying and drooling.
America’s Pulitzer Prize winning humorist talks back! ‘Want to impress your friends? Tell them you read the latest work by the 1988 Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary. Just don’t tell them it’s full of booger jokes.’ Orange County Register.
TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY,A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE!Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts France’s National Underwear Changing Day is March 12, song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs all insects must be spayed, and tidbits from Dave Barry’s own fond vacation nightmares, Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need is just that. You’ll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: Air Travel Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed Traveling as a Family Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet Traveling in Europe ‘Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?’ Camping: Nature’s Way of Promoting the Motel Industry
‘One of the funniest peole ever to tap tap on a PC.’PHILADELPHIA INQUIRERNot since George Bush’s memorable dinner with the Japanese prime minister has the Land of the Rising Sun seen the likes of a goodwill ambassador like Dave Barry. Join him as he belts out oldies in a karaoke bar, marries a geriatric geisha girl, takes his first bath in public, bows to just about everyone, and explores culture shock in all its numerous humorous forms, including: Failing to Learn Japanese in Only Five Minutes Or: ‘Very Much Good Morning, Sir!’ ; Humor in Japan Take My Tofu, Please!; Sports in Japan ‘Yo, Batter! Loudly Make it Fly!’, and more.
THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERYOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UPDave Barry wouldn’t lie and here are the real life, laugh out loud stories from across America to prove it: a U.S. Supreme Court justice shares his remedy for preventing gas ‘I had not realized that this was a matter of concern in the highest levels of government’; a newspaper headline in Ohio announces the combustibility of strawberry Pop Tarts ‘A story that can really help you gain a better understanding of how you can be killed by breakfast snack food’; a frightening fact that snakes have mastered the pipelines leading directly to your toilet and they’re not shy ‘Many women might view this as a fair punishment for all the billions of times that guys have left the seat up’. Get up close with Dave as he examines UFO thrillseekers and Elvis worshippers, plays lead guitar with a horrifying rock band that includes Stephen King, and swears to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…
so God help you!’BARRY IS AT HIS BEST.’ The Baltimore Sun’HE ZAPS THE FUNNY BONE.’ The Cincinnati Post
An illustrated omnibus edition featuring the best of the Pulitzer Prize winning humorist encompas*ses Dave Barry Turns 40, Dave Barry Talks Back, and Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits.
‘Dave Barry is one funny human.’ San Francisco ExaminerFor thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you’re a guy or if you’re attempting to share a remote control with one you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy org*asm delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more’Whether you’re a guy or attempting to share a bathroom with one Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you.’ USA Today
BARRY SHINES.’ People A self professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts?Inside you’ll find juicy bytes onHow to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get ValiumNerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is ElvisSoftware: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack YouWord Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing AnythingSelected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, AustraliaAnd much, much more!’VERY FUNNY…
After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain.’ New York Times Book Review
Dave Barry reveals the shocking secrets of his biplanetary identity in a transparent attempt to get on some afternoon talk shows and sell a few extra copies of this latest collection of his funniest syndicated columns. Maybe you read a really funny Dave Barry column and really, really meant to save it, but we all know how that goes: out with the rest of the recyclables. Or maybe you didn’t get around to reading the newspaper one day and wondered if you missed the most hilarious Dave Barry column of all time. Well, that’s why some smart marketing person invented ‘best of’ collections, and that’s why you need Dave Barry is from Mars and Venus. It’s got Dave’s coverage of the Olympics, featuring an account of his participation with the U.S. synchronized swim team: ‘Picture a bunch of elegant swans swimming with a flailing sea cow’. Also on hand are Dave’s unfortunate appearance on Wheel of Fortune, his nonlunch with Hillary Rodham Clinton, what happened when he shot a Gymnast Barbie doll out of a potato gun, the last word on turkey rectums, and much, much more from a guy who knows where he’s coming from. Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist and the best selling author of Dave Barry in Cyberspace Crown, 1996, Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys, Dave Barry Turns 40 Crown, 1990, and other books. He lives in Miami, Florida. First, a few words about the title. It isn’t easy, coming up with book titles. A lot of the really good ones are taken. Thin Thighs in 30 Days, for example. Also The Bible. Another restriction was that the publisher wanted a title with my name in it. Over the years, most of my book titles have had my name in them Dave Barry Turns 40, Dave Barry Turns 41, Dave Barry Develops a Nasal Polyp, etc. I realize this sounds egotistical, but it’s not my idea. I’d be a lot happier if the book titles had a name with more appeal to the mass public, like Stephen King, or The Beatles. If it weren’t for the potential legal hassles, this book would be called something like Develop Washboard Abs in One Hour with John Grisham and Madonna As Seen on Oprah. Anyway, the first title actually considered for this book was Another Damn Dave Barry Book. I liked that one, because it was punchy, yet at the same time it said absolutely nothing. But then Crown changed its mind and decided against this title, presumably on the grounds that the word damn would offend some people, who would therefore not buy the book. Of course you could argue that this was a good reason to use the title, because people who’d be offended by the word damn would probably suffer cerebral hemorrhages if they read the book’s actual contents.
When funny man Dave Barry asked readers about their least favorite tunes, he though he was penning just another installment of his weekly syndicated humor column. But the witty writer was flabbergasted by the response. ‘I have never written a column that got a bigger response than the one announcing the Bad song survey,’ Barry wrote. ‘More than ten thousand readers voted, and the cards are still coming in.’Based on the results from Dave Barry’s monumental reader survey, Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs is a compilation of some of the worst songs ever written, including such special categories as Teen Death songs, songs That People Always Get Wrong, songs women Hate, and, of course, Weenie Music. Dave Barry fans and music buffs alike will appreciate this hilarious stroll through the world’s worst lyrics.
And no, he’s not going to whine about it. In fact, he’s not going to dwell on the negative aspects of turning 50 at all, like the weight gain that results from merely watching food commercials, or that you discover random hairs sprouting from unexpected sectors of your body. Instead, Dave is going to make all of you out there under the half century mark envious with a rundown of the advantages of turning 50. For instance, you know all those newspaper articles about Middle East turmoil you read because you think you should? Dave doesn’t read ’em, because with his eyes he can’t! And you know all that energy you expend trying to look and sound hip? Dave doesn’t, because after 50 it’s hopeless and he’s through trying to be one of the Boyz N the Burbz. And Dave writes not only about being 50, but also about 50 years of inventions Oreos, Silly Putty, arts Howdy Doody, TV commercials, politics the Cold War, the Cold War, and more of the Cold War, and other baby boomer nostalgia. So call Dave and let him know how much you’re looking forward to reading Dave Barry Turns 50. But not right now he’s sleeping. Ten Signs That You Might Be Losing It1. You tend to forget things.2. When you drive your car, you notice that people yell at you a lot. Often, these people are lying on your hood.3. On more than one occasion, while shaving, you have noticed that your razor seemed kind of dull. Upon closer examination, your razor turned out to be your toothbrush.4. You’re always searching for the right word or name. You’ll be telling an anecdote, and you’ll get stuck on a name, and you’ll tell your listeners: ‘You know! That guy! With the thing! He has that thing! That guy!’ And everybody will start trying to guess who you’re talking about, as if you’re playing charades, and finally, after ten minutes of this, it will turn out that the name you’re trying to remember is: ‘The Pope.’ By this time, of course, you have no recollection of the original anecdote. 5. You sometimes address your spouse as ‘General Eisenhower.’6. You tend to forget things.7. You sometimes wear a bathrobe to the office.8. And it isn’t your office.9. It isn’t your bathrobe, either. 10. You tend to forget things.
Pulitzer Prize winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he’s been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot of things like bad public art, Internet millionaires, SUVs, Regis Philbin…
and even bigger problems, like The slower than deceased livestock left lane drivers who apparently believe that the right lane is sacred and must never come in direct contact with tires The parent misery quotient of last minute school science fair projects Day trading and other careers that never require you to take off your bathrobe The plague of the low flow toilets, which is so bad that even in Miami, where you can buy drugs just by opening your front door and yelling Hey! I want some crack, you can t even sell your first born to get a normal flushing toiletDave Barry is not taking any of this sitting down. He s going to stand up for the rights of all Americans against ridiculously named specialty chino coffees and the IRS. Just as soon as he gets the darn toilet flushed. From the Trade Paperback edition.
Everyone loves Dave Barry. His hilarious and irreverent syndicated newspaper column and numerous best selling books incite universal laughter. In ‘The Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Is Beer‘ and Other Manly Insights From Dave Barry, Dave goes on a testosterone riff, enlightening all about the intricacies of being male.
Dave Barry isn’t just funny. His hilarious syndicated newspaper column and numerous best selling books have sparked the kid of adulation that’s often reserved for rock stars or world leaders. His wit cuts right to the core of life’s absurdities. In ‘My Teenage Son’s Goal In Life Is To Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old‘ and Other Thoughts On Parenting From Dave Barry, Dave shares his hopes, fears, and insights about his own stint as a father.
Sensing the need for a thoughtful, balanced book to explain our deeply troubling national political process, Dave Barry has not even come close. Still, though he has covered every presidential campaign since 1984 for The Miami Herald, has run for president several times, and run for cover at the rainy inauguration of George W. Bush the man will stop at nothing for his art, Barry has nonetheless outdone himself in this book. Here is Barry’s stirring account of how the new nation was formed and farmed. Here, also, is his answer to the need for a truly memorable new Declaration of Independence ‘Whereas in the course of human events it behooves us, the people, not to ask What can our country do for us, anyway? but rather, whether we have anything to fear except fear itself’. There is, too, a revised Constitution for our times ‘Section 2: The House of Representatives shall be composed of persons who own at least two dark suits and have not been indicted recently’. Dave also cracks the income tax code and explains the growths of government, congressional hearing difficulties, and the persistent rumors of the influence of capital in the Capitol. Pay particular attention to the footnotes some say they are worth the price of admission. Finally, he out Fodors Fodor’s in his guide to the politics of Florida, home of the Katherine Harris Eyelash Museum, while his advice on hotspots in Washington, D.C., should end class trips forever. You’ve paid for them anyhow.
The New York Times calls him the funniest man in America, and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: The scientific search for the world’s funniest joke you can bet it includes the word weasel RV camping in the Wal Mart parking lot Outwitting smart kitchen appliances and service contracts Elections in Florida You can t spell Florida without duh The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui The choice between death and taxesAnd much, much more including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11. Dave Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988, and his columns are syndicated in more than 500 newspapers. His most recent books, Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down and the novels Big Trouble and Tricky Business, were national bestsellers. He lives in Miami, Floriduh. Also available as an eBookFrom the Hardcover edition.
Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores as only he can such topics as: How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are let’s be honest a no talent loser How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort and access to time travel Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy or, for that matter, sell real estate How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything including bridge tolls, how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children three dollars is plenty. He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot . Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income?1. More than $50,000.2. Less than $50,000.3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?1. Less than $10,000.2. More than $10,000.3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio?1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue chip equities.2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?1. The amount of return.2. The degree of risk.3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement?1. Savings.2. Social security.3. Sale of kidneys. from the Introduction: Why You Need This Book Also available as a Crown eBook. From the Hardcover edition.
Dave Barry needs no introduction after all, his Pulitzer Prize winning and hysterical observations about daily life have been published in over 500 newspapers and 25 books. Now, he turns his attention to a species he knows intimately dads. Dave famously recalls the moment he became a father: he chose to stand at the head end during the procedure because he assumed it would be more pleasant, but he quickly found that the head end was in a very bad mood and, unbelievably, seemed particularly annoyed at him! Now he’s learned a few things about being a dad and all the manly wisdom is here for the taking. The lucky dad who gets this as a Father s Day gift won t have to pretend to like it.
Thucydides, Gibbon, Tuchman, McCullough to the names of the world’s great historians must now be added the name of Dave Barry, who has taken a long, hard look at our new millennium so far and, when he stopped hyperventilating, has written it all down, because nobody would believe it otherwise.
In November 2000, the skies darken over Florida as hundreds of thousands of lawyers parachute into the state from bombers, while in 2002, the federal budget surplus mysteriously disappears ‘Everybody looks high and low for it, but the darned thing is gone!’. In April 2003, no WMD have been found, but investigators do discover three barrels of lard, described by U.S. intelligence analysts as ‘a heart attack waiting to happen,’ while in 2004, an already troubled nation receives an even greater blow: the sight of Janet Jackson’s exposed nipple. In 2005, Katrina, Cindy, Harriet, Martha, Valerie, Paris, Michael Jackson women just got crazy that year while in November 2006…
well, something happened; it’ll come back to us.
Plus, an extra added bonus Dave Barry’s complete history of the millennium so recently and unlamentedly gone: Crusaders! Vikings! Peter Minuit’s purchase of Manhattan for $24, plus $167,000 a month in maintenance fees! The invention of pizza by Leonardo da Vinci and of the computer by Charles Babbage who died in 1871 still waiting to talk to somebody from Technical Support!
Liberally illustrated with line drawings, filled with facts and commentary that will amaze your friends and confound your enemies yes, we mean you, Osama!, this is the book that will finally earn Dave Barry his second Pulitzer Prize. And about darned time, too.
A brilliantly funny exploration of the treacherous state of adulthood by the Pulitzer Prize winning humorist. Some people may wonder what this subject has to do with Dave Barry, since Dave’s struggled hard against growing up his entire life but the result is one of the funniest, warmest, most pitch perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we call ‘adulthood’. In hilarious, brand new pieces, Dave tackles everything from fatherhood, new fatherhood ‘Over the next five years, you will spend roughly 45 minutes, total, listening to songs you like, and roughly 127,000 hours to songs exploring topics such as how the horn on the bus goes It goes: ‘Beep! Beep! Beep!’ ‘, self image, the battle of the sexes, celebrityhood, technology, parenting styles, certain unmentionable medical procedures ‘There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of a vasectomy, except that: THEY CUT A HOLE IN YOUR Scro*tum.’, and much more. It is a book of pure delight from the man one newspaper claimed ‘could become the most important American humorist since Mark Twain’ South Florida Sun Sentinel…
though, frankly, we think they were indulging in some adult beverages at the time.
For tough New York City prosecutor Joe Estrada, the law is his life. That’s why he’s determined to get the goods on millionaire real estate tycoon and community hero Roberto Morales, who is accused of raping and murdering his mistress. The more Joe investigates, however, the closer he moves to the possibility that Morales is innocent and that all he has to go on is…
In South Florida, everyone wants to get a head. But not just any head. A very famous human head severed and snugged away in a cryonic container. A head that could spark a revolution and change the course of history. Everybody wants a piece of the noggin: rotund gangster Big Joey G., a 102 year old environmentalist, hard boiled Miami reporter Britt Montero, lawyer Jake Lassiter, and a would be dictator in exile with ex president Jimmy Carter and a lovable manatee named Booger thrown in for good measure. With bodies piling up it’s anybody’s guess what will happen from one chapter to the next, as an all star line up of Florida’s finest writers take turns at taking this outrageously original novel to the limit and beyond.
‘ Sex. Money. International terrorism. And, of course, the ultimate question: Can a compact backswing save the world? Now, in the tradition of Naked Came the Stranger and Naked Came the Manatee, a clubhouseful of acclaimed authors pass the baton or the six iron to create an ensemble tour de force of suspense, romance, and hilarity on the links. Golf is not a team sport. But who says fiction can’t be? Get ready. The gallery is hushed and the approach shot nears. The birdie has landed…
The Putt at the End of the World Fore? No, nine! That’s right. Nine literary grand masters each contribute a chapter and together bring you a full round robin of characters, not to mention a blistering drive of a story line that beats par with every page. Alfonzo Zamora is the venerable Mexican Senior player who’s just discovered he’s going blind. Billy Sprague is the country club pro with a swing as elegant as an eagle in flight except when money’s on the line. Rita Shaughnessy is the hard drinking, hard loving, hard luck golfer on the women’s pro tour. All three receive an invitation from multibillionaire Phillip Bates, founder of Macrodyne Software. To inaugurate his dazzling new course in Scotland, Bates is spending millions to host a tournament starring the superpro trio. The gala will welcome world leaders in the name of global peace and the universal language of golf. Launching Bates’s new, revolutionary computer operating system, the weekend volley will also attract a long scorecard of wild and unanticipated guests, including the world’s most elusive environmental terrorist, a Spanish caddie named Humpy who inspires bogeys, a caddish pro who can’t pass the Rorschach test, a sexy male female counterterrorist team who keep driving into traps of their own making, a certain naked golfer making a bid for his hole in one, and enough plastique to end the world as we know it…
. Will things get rough in the rough? Will the green run red? Where is the mysterious nineteenth hole? And in an apocalyptic final play that will determine the fate of the world, ecoterrorists will converge on the course for an explosive putt to end all putts. The ‘Good Walk’ has never been more fun!’